Money jokes
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.
Guy: Do you want a nickel?
Girl: Sure.
Guy: So you’ll tickle my pickle?
Girl: 😳😩😩😩
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
What has a tail, a head, but no body?
A coin.
Why would you never donate to crabs?
Because they're shellfish!
Memes
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
Money, money, green, green. Money is all I need, need.
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?
One does it for the cash, the other for the views.
Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.
Did anyone around here lose a roll of twenty-dollar bills wrapped with a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band.
I bet Steven Hawking $100 if he could catch me.
As soon as he said yes, I climbed up the stairs.
If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.
Why don't rappers ever gamble?
Because they're always dropping beats, not bets.
If brains were taxed, Slade would get a rebate.
Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
I turned gay because my wife is too poor.