I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."
Money Jokes
If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.
I turned gay because my wife is too poor.
What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?
One does it for the cash, the other for the views.
Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.
Why would you never donate to crabs?
Because they're shellfish!
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
Three drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he wanted to be wanted.
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.
(Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)
Say "Mike Wizowski" fast to a teenager and I will get you $100000000000.
What do you call a Navajo with a lot of cash?
Johnny Cash.
So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.
Then I told him, "What are you doing?"
He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.
He then told me how easy would that be?
I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."
What do you call a person that inherits a lot of money?
A millionheir.
