Money jokes
Guy: Do you want a nickel?
Girl: Sure.
Guy: So you’ll tickle my pickle?
Girl: 😳😩😩😩
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.
What has a tail, a head, but no body?
A coin.
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
Why would you never donate to crabs?
Because they're shellfish!
Money, money, green, green. Money is all I need, need.
I turned gay because my wife is too poor.
Did anyone around here lose a roll of twenty-dollar bills wrapped with a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band.
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
I bet Steven Hawking $100 if he could catch me.
As soon as he said yes, I climbed up the stairs.
I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.
What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?
One does it for the cash, the other for the views.
If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.
Why don't rappers ever gamble?
Because they're always dropping beats, not bets.
If brains were taxed, Slade would get a rebate.
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
Yo mama is so ugly that even scammers wouldn't go after her money.