Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van! It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come. We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! ̈Hey they want to party with us! ̈Timmy yelled over the whooping. ̈Party van! ̈I yelled. Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said ̈P O L I C E” on the side. We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. ̈Isn’t that right mommy? ̈
Little Johnny walked to his parents room, they were having sex and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was soo, he said “What are y’all doing?” The parents replied “Umm, r-rapping presents!” . Little Johnny said “ok.” and then left. In the morning Little Johnny opened his presents, his parents said “This one is from Santa!” Little Johnny said “No it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents.” The parents said “Ohh fuck” Little Johnny replied “What mommy and daddy?” They replied “Oh nothing!” “Oh ok.” Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dads ears “At least he doesn’t know the truth.” Little Johnny said “What truth.”
The best night of my life was when gave my virginity to wife and her last word was when she called me “Mommy” at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents. " Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white." The mother rushes the boy to the hospital while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm. "How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" He exclaims. The wife looks up at him. "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection."
Me: Hey how are you? Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3 Insomnia: Mommy can we get a home? Anxiety: Insomnia wait for mommy to finish. Depression: Anyway here is my resume! Me: Okie thank you, Ok... mhmmm.. WOW! Okie this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it..) Depression: Also I have 2 more friends that want to move in too! Me: Ok and there names? Depression: There names are: PTSD and Trauma! Me: Ok they seem fine (Doesn't know about them) Depression: Okie here is the money (a penny :() Thank you we will call you if we need anything. Me: Ok see you soon! :3 Me now hates my life. :)
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father & mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them. They all get under the covers Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood curdling scream. "MOMMY WATCH OUT THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his fathers penis in his mouth and chomps down. Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
Child- Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa! Dad- Wait, why are you saying that? Child- I just felt like it The next day, the Grandpa is dead Dad- That's just a VERY scary coincidence. Child- Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma. Dad- Wait, why are you saying that? Child- I just felt like it. The next day, the Grandma is dead. Dad- That's just a VERY scary coincidence. Child- Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy! Dad- Oh no. If I survive until tommorow, everything will be okay! Survives until tmmrow Dad- Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house* Mom- Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch! (If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
Please read all of it I know it's long please read all of it.
This dad heard his daughter praying as she was praying she came to an end: " Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died the dad thought it was just coincidence so he carried on his day. At night he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. After he heard goodbye grandma his facial expression changed and went straight to bed. The next morning the grandma died out of nowhere the dad began to worry and continued on his day, at night he heard his daughter again " Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad got scared so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there so that's what he did. When he got home the next day his wife asked where he had been and he replied back " Sorry honey I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: " OH YOU THINK YOU HAD A BAD THE MAILMAN JUST DIED ON THE FRONTPORCH THIS MORNING" If you get it you get it.
there is this little boy and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?" She replies with, "These are my headlights." He looks down and says mommy what's that? she says that my garage. so he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says what is that? the dad says this is my snake. later that night he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams mommy, mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage, Daddy's snake is trying to get in!
So a mom and a dad are having sex, their daughter comes down and says, "mommy mommy, what are you doing?" The mom goes, "Uh, were making a cake, let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow." So the next day they go to the park and two teens are going at it in some bushes and the little girl goes,"mommy mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes "they're making a cake, let's go back home." So they go home and the mom tucked her Indo bed and says "tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo and two monkeys are going at it and the girl goes "my mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes "they're making a cake let's go back home." And so they go home and the girl goes "mommy, did you and daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says "n-no why?" And the little girl goes "because I licked the icing off the couch."
One day little Jonny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there so he went in to use it and asked his mom what is that between your legs. His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened but with his dad. He asked his dad what is that between his legs. He said my snake. The same thing happened one more time except with his grandmother. Little Jonny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said my headlights. One night little Jonny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said grandmaw grand maw turn on your head lights daddy snake is trying to get into mommy's bush.
It was raining sadly all day my wife my 2 daughters and me stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died
Wife:😭😭😭I wish this never happened
Mia our first daughter: momy it’s ok I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby our second daughter: I love u all only if you guys die I won’t but I love you when ur alive 😉😏
Me husband: what kind of nonsense was that you love us when we’re alive but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except abby: abby this is serious mommy’s mother and father died. says Mia: yes your mom is sadly down right now you made her more sad😡🤬.says dad:sniffs* abby I had made a discussion I will take to an orphanage I am sorry 😣 when I amd better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back.says mom:
This was not a joke I just did this for Love 💕
Jimmy caught his parents having sex and ask what they were doing and asked if he could join because it looked fun and hid mom ask why and he replied," Well Mommy I see you and the mailman do it and when he leaves he says 'I can't wait to cum back, that was fun!' and now you and Daddy are doing it so I wanted to try!" the dad gets angry at this and scolds the mother saying, "I can't believe you did that when I was gone babe!" the mother was very sad and then the father left and went to get divorce papers and when he left the mother told Jimmy that he'd understand when he was older. 18 years later... Jimmy has a gf and asks her to call him a sus name and she says only in the bed and he agrees, later when they both are having sex Jimmy gf asks if he used a condom or not, and he said that he didn't know what that was so then 9months later she was pregnant but abortion was illegal so she gives birth and puts the child up for adoption. A few years later Jimmy has a good job and his wife now asked to have a child and then she asked if she could call him a sus name while he did he, he said sure, and on they went with their clothes off and under the sheets, Jimmy gets a call from his boss saying he needed to go over really fast it was an emergency and so Jimmy left really fast, however, his wife was very unfaithful and called in a man to come as soon as possible and then they did it, Jimmy came home after 10-18 hours and was very happy and went to tell his wife the great new, but then he heard strange sounds coming from the room and so he wen inside and was shocked to see his father and hs wife having sex, Jimmy though didn't care that his wife had cheated on him he just said, " Well baby, tonights your lucky night" and without any hesitation ripped off his clothes and jumped in the bed and they then had a threesome and the wife said she was very happy that she had been done x2 and when Jimmy asked why she said,"Well I had to dicks in my vagina and now I'm so refreshed!" Jimmy was happy to hear that and then had a woman come over so that his wife and a woman would have a threesome again and so then Jimmy saw that it was his mother and he really didn't want to do it but his wife convinced him too and so he did it and his mother was going for Jimmy's wife more and more until Jimmy no longer was in the threesome and now only Jimmys wife and his mother were doing it, this made Jimmy mad and this bit both of their boobs and they were shocked but then they pinned him down and bit his dick and then grabbed a bottle of alcohol and made him drink until he was drunk and then he started to eat their ass' and then called his father to come to have sex again and then they all had a foursome, the wife then called the police and had then all arrested and said," You all sucked" and Jimmy said," What about you too? You sucked me!" They all died of mental desires in jail. The end.
This is a very confusing story so pls don't say any non-sex things in the comment.
