Mom jokes

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.

I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD

Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.

Your mom saw Uranus and never was the same in HD. :)

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Your mom's so fat, she don't need to be worldwide, she already is.

Mom: Son, get up for school.

Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!

Your mom is so fat that she mains Heavy from the game Team Fortress 2!

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly!