Mom jokes
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
Hi Mom, how are you doing?
She’s so therapeutic.
When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!
Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer too long!
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!
"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...
It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.