Mom jokes

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

What do you call a mom that is yours?

Your mom!

Hi Mom, how are you doing?

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

Me: I fucked your mom.

Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.

When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.

"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."

I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!

She’s so therapeutic.

When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

Why did the cookie cry?

Because its mom was a wafer too long!

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.