Mom jokes
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I saw your mom beat you.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Your mom's a whore, and so are you!
I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"
Mom replied with, "That's your father."
Your mother.
Depression: Here, your mom just died.
Me: My mom is already dead.
You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
Ur mom.
Oops my bad! 😬
My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Me: I hit an orphan!
Mom: OMG WHY?
Me: Not like they can tell their parents-
My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎