Mom jokes

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.

Your mom smells so bad she could stun a horse in a field.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

My bully to his mom after getting "cooked" by me: "Mama, I can't find my hairline!"

My bully. 😭

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Your mom is so fat, she looks like she ate the marshmallow from Ghostbusters.

The way you are so ugly your parents even regret the day you were born.

The way you are so black when your mom is bathing you in the dark, she has to put flour in the water to see you.

🤣🤣🤣

Your mama is so ugly, when she went to the circus they thought she was Pennywise, Mom.

My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.

Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.

You look like your mom and your dad had a child.

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"