Mom jokes
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Your mom is so fat, she looks like she ate the marshmallow from Ghostbusters.
Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.
Memes
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
The way you are so ugly your parents even regret the day you were born.
The way you are so black when your mom is bathing you in the dark, she has to put flour in the water to see you.
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My mom picked my major.
What's your mom on?
Deez nuts!
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. š
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.
My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
Your mom is so hairy that King Kong got jealous of her.
What do a banana and shampoo have in common?
Ur mom.