Mom jokes

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

You look like your mom and your dad had a child.

Your mom smells so bad she could stun a horse in a field.

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

My bully to his mom after getting "cooked" by me: "Mama, I can't find my hairline!"

My bully. 😭

He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.

Your mom.

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To slide into your mom's bed.

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

Your mom is so fat, she looks like she ate the marshmallow from Ghostbusters.

Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.