Mom jokes

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?

Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.

I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

When your mom fell down, a 10 magnitude earthquake shook the Earth.

When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.

"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."

Me:.....

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

What did the cow say to the leather chair?

“Hi Mom!”

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?

They’re both in my bed.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.

Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.