Mom jokes
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
You're so skinny, your mom actually enjoyed your birth!
Mom: Son, where are my condoms?
Son: What are condoms?
Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.
Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?
Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.
Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.
What milk do orphan babies drink?
Not their mom's, though.
Yo mama jokes are so old, like your mom.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Your mom is so fat that she broke your crush!
Your mom is fat, oh yeah, oh yeah, uh, uhhh.
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?
He killed his mom and then fucked her.
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
Your mom saw Uranus and never was the same in HD. :)
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Why was your mom so into me?
'Cause she was the man.
My mom died.