Mom jokes

When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"

Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."

Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"

Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"

Your mom is so fat, that burger.

Why are orphans so sad?

Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."

Your mom is hot.

I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.

When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."

A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."

An orphan thinks he finally sees his mom, but then he realizes it's air.

Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.

Orphan: But I don't have a mom!

Your dad is your mom.

Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.