Mom jokes
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
What is an orphan's favorite toy? A mom and dad action figure.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
What do you think of your mom? I can do it.
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
Your mom is so ugly that even Medusa turned to stone from looking at her!
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."
I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
Your mom is so ugly that she made a mirror shatter.
Bully: Your mom hates you.
Orphan: I don't have parents ;)
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"