Mom jokes

Your mom should show you your real home. The trash!

If death was an option for a look, you could be the first.

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?

Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?

They both cheated!

My mom was poor, so we had nothing to eat. I slept on the floor, but now I'm rich, rich, rich 😜

Your mom is so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

I was bullying an orphan, then I said, "What, you gonna run home and cry to your mom?"

So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.

“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.

“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.

So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”

“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”

Is your mom a virgin?

Mine is.

How am I alive?

You tell me.

Guys, can we stop this stupid drama? I just wanna post my "Doin' Your Mom" lyrics and funny jokes! Please stop it!

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.

Your mom is ugly.

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

Yo mom is so fat even Dora can explore you!

Why couldn't your mom make you dinner? Because she's dead!

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢

What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?

A quack head!

My mom must be a duck then...