Mom jokes

Your mom and your dad.

Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.

Why does the orphan eat water with cereal?

Mom forgot to come back with the milk.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.

Mom: "Okay, any questions?"

Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."

Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?

They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”

Your mom is so fat she was the reason why the Titanic crashed.

Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.

What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.

How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.

This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.

Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”