Mom jokes

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All I got was dust and my mom's wig.

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

Me: I will f**k ur mom.

Orphan: I don't have one.

Me: ......

What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?

They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

Your mom is so fat she was the reason why the Titanic crashed.

Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.

Your mom #69.

If you're mad, go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their mom?

Why does the orphan eat water with cereal?

Mom forgot to come back with the milk.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

Your mom and your dad.

Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

POV: You're an orphan.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your mom.

Ur mom.

Oh wait, you don't have one.

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.

Mom: "Okay, any questions?"

Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."

Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."