Mom jokes

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All I got was dust and my mom's wig.

I punched my mom for no freaking reason.

Why does the orphan eat water with cereal?

Mom forgot to come back with the milk.

Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.

Your mom is so fat she was the reason why the Titanic crashed.

Your mom and your dad.

Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

Your mom #69.

Me: I will f**k ur mom.

Orphan: I don't have one.

Me: ......

If you're mad, go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their mom?

POV: You're an orphan.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your mom.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

Ur mom.

Oh wait, you don't have one.

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?

They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”

What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.