Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.
I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
Why did the orphan cross the road? (Not to see his mom or dad.)
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
