Mom jokes

Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?

Son: No, I got 1k already.

Mom: Wait, what, how?

Son: Mom's wallet is magic.

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."

When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.

There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.

At 6, she wanted a happy mama.

At 8, she hated acting like a mom.

At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.

At 11, she wanted to see her mom.

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.

What do my cock and money have in common?

Your mom.

The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"

The Son: "Because milk is important."

The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"

The Boy: "Who?"

The Man: "Your mom?"

The Boy: "I don't have a mom."

The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."

The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.

My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.

Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.

I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”

Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”

Your mom is so hot, if she had an OnlyFans page, she would get more money than companies during Pride Month.

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"