Mom jokes

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.

Your mom is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Hi Mom, how are you doing?

Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.

Big Mom is so fat, Trafalgar Law can’t make enough room for her!

What am I doing?

Your mom.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.

The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.

So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.

"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"

"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"

Girl: Mom, meet my boyfriend.

Mom: Meet my boyfriend.

Girl's boyfriend: Dad, is that you? Are you back from the supermarket with milk?

Mom's boyfriend: Uh, gtg.

Your mom so fat, Thanos had to clap!

I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"

Mom replied with, "That's your father."

Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?

Because his mom and dad are in every episode!

Me and my mom order Chinese food.

My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."

Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.

What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?

My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.

The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!