Mom jokes

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.

I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?

Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.

Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.

Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"

The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."

Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.

What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"

When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.

Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!

Mom: Exactly.