Mom jokes
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I’m blind.
Mom: Exactly.
LBB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land because Shrek likes to poop.
Shrek- Should I pull the trap?
*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*
LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB
Your mama is so skinny she can dodge raindrops.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
Your mom is SOO stupid, she was studying for a COVID test.
Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!
Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.
Abbie: I had sex with dad.
Mom: Go die in a hole!
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
Your mom has a bone to pick with me.
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.
Orphan: But I don't have a mom!
Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”
Your mom is so fat that she cannot look at her feet when taking a shower.
Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a day?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a year?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Knock knock.
Mom: Who's there?
Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.
Your mom so ugly that Paul Walker died.
Doin (DYM 35).
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.