Mom jokes

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!

Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.

I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?

Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"

If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

What joke could orphan's never understand?

Your Mom jokes.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

Violets are blue, roses are red.

Last night your mom was giving me head.

Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.

Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"

The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."