Mom Jokes

What's your mom and a dog got in common?

Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.

What does your mom say when she is working?

Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?

You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

The image shows a white cat being held by a bright orange plush toy with a large eye. There is text on the left side of the image that says, "My mom: Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite. Me after accidentally sleeping loose:".

Your mom's so fat, when she entered a fat contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"

Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.

Your mom!

Mom, I’m pregnant.

Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.

Why do I f*** my mom?

Like father like son. #batabababa

Your mom's a lead, Poe.

Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3

Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.

Mom: jk

Your mom is a mom!

Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!

Your mom gay.

You take a plane from Australia. Your mom is American, your dad is British, and your brother (and you) is Canadian (well, because they traveled along many places). You are eating dinner, but you realized you were going to Europe.

You went sleepy, and you forgot your pet named "Strallia." But she could not go anyways, so you had to leave her. When you went to Europe, you were in the "COUNTRY-SIDE."

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

1st graders: Ay yo girl, I think you’re beautiful, let’s get married!!

2nd graders: Uhh, don’t tell my mom that we’re dating!! She won’t let me date! Let’s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee.

3rd graders: Uh, my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and I’m 9 years old, we have to break up, sweetie.

4th graders: Hey, I think you’re cute!! Wanna date? I don’t think my girlfriend will mind.......

5th graders (they start wearing makeup): Ay girl, your eyelashes are pretty, I like you now, wanna date? Here’s my numberrrrrr.

6th graders: Heyyyyy, I gotta tell you a secret, I got a crush on you!! Don’t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh, I’ll text you later!

7th graders: We need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, you’re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy, alright, bye now.

8th graders: Hi sweetheart, I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS

Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....