Mom jokes

Your mom is so ugly that even Medusa turned to stone from looking at her!

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"

I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."

"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."

"Son, stay out of the drawer."

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

Yo mama jokes are so old, like your mom.

Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

Ur mom is so fat that when she came to the front door, she was already at the back door.

Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.

Your mom.

I was bullying an orphan, then I said, "What, you gonna run home and cry to your mom?"

Kid: Your mom!

Orphan: (cries)

Why do orphans have water in cereal?

Because mom was never around to produce milk.

How do you make an orphan shut up?

You tell his mom.

Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!

Me: Nothing, why?

Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.

Me that/every night: *sob*

Friends: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah, fine.

Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...

My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.

Mom said drugs are my enemies. God said love your enemies. What do I tell her?

Dear NASA, your mom thought I was big enough.

–Pluto.

Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?