Mom jokes
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"
My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.
Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.
Orphan: Realizes.
Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
Repeat after me...
Me: "You have a weird style."
Mom: "You have a weird style."
Me: "Um, not your mirror!" *runs away*
Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”
Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”
He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”
Are the three little pigs orphans because their mom kicked them out of the house?
Your classmate: You're so ugly.
Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.
The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?
He killed his mom and then fucked her.
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
Why did the man get run over?
Ur mom XD
Son: Mom, what is dark humor?
Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!
Mom: Exactly!
Your mom gay.
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!