Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.
My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.
He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
We split because she used always say I never listen, or something like that
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
My last relationship ended because my ex girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset, to be honest I didn't like her anyway, she kept telling me I never listen, or something like that
I tried to tell an Armenian genocide joke in Istanbul.
Nobody got it.
i once called a depressed guy why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone (im not englishs so i could've talked bad)
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out boys 2 men wasn't a delivery service
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake but his subjects showed up at his castle with a christian instead. And he said: NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"
Hey dude can you speel ihop. Sure man. I H O P. Wait you ate my pee!!!
Hey guys, its Hailey here.
Ima start off with henlo ;-;
I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.
So, Jake. We can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.
Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.
I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.
Also, You won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;
One day i was texting my friend on roblox and i made her made her mad. she told me she was gonna kill me. that night she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 pm sharp. but she made sharp in all caps. so i went to the bathroom at pm the next day. now i know what she meant by SHARP on roblox...... she brought a knife and i was in hell by then. like for the next part!
My girlfriend said i was a ped0phi1e
That's a big word for a 6 year old
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.
