A girls walks into an Adult Store. "Hi I want to buy that Red Dildo right there"
Cashier: that's a Fire Extinguisher you whore"
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police. She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?” The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?” The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral”? No? Shame, it was real fun
I was at a bar the girl said sex, sex free sex tonight when she really said 663629
Person 1 " I love KFC" Person 2 "yeah, me too!" Person 1 " How many have you gotten?" Person 2 " How am I supposed too remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?" Person 1 " Chicken? What chicken, what do you think KFC stands for?" Person 2 "? Kentucky Fried Chicken?" Person 1 " What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children." Person 2 " BLOODY WHATT??"
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.
What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?
Can you show me what rape is
Did you hear about the German girl being raped by 10 men? She shouted, "nein, nein," so one of them left.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
My girl friend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl she said I was cheating but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick and I accidentally gave her the glue stick. She won't talk to me any more.
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying "This isn't working". I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine
I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam
Doctor: Yup
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
