It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
Why do people misplace the 9/11 with emo kids? They both have a high death count.
I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.
Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”
Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it
DUDE all Hitler ask for was a glass of juice, but every one misheard him.
Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
You know they say, when you get lemos make lemonade...Well i took that a little bit too literal
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
Customer: Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?
Employee: Ma’am, this is an adoption agency, you can’t do that here!
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
my friend asks me what does idk mean i said i dion't knowm my friend says you mean i don't know i said thats what i said
