Mistake jokes
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
The Twin Towers ordered 3 tacos.
One was just a plane tortilla.
The other one was also just a plane tortilla.
And the third one went to the wrong address.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."
Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."
Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"
Ex-girlfriend: "20!"
Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.
"Ur mum gay..."
Sorry wrong person.
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?
Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.
Child: *realizes*
Why did the hobo go back to the future?
To stop himself from wasting all his money on a rigged casino machine.
My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"
I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."
My brother: What are you looking at?
Me: A mistake.
Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?
From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.
I once got in trouble in the library for putting the women's right book in the fantasy section.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.