Mistake jokes
Sorry, I got the joke wrong the first time.
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!
Dad: You are one.
The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Okay, I'm so sorry, Alya, and Drew. I didn't mean to say that you guys were stupid and cringy. I mistyped. Can you guys forgive me by any chance? I'm so sorry :(
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"
Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.