Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
