Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
