Mistake jokes
Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
I once got in trouble in the library for putting the women's right book in the fantasy section.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane.
Okay, I'm so sorry, Alya, and Drew. I didn't mean to say that you guys were stupid and cringy. I mistyped. Can you guys forgive me by any chance? I'm so sorry :(
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
When you go over a speed bump, but you remember that there are no speed bumps in the school zone.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."