so i took a poop out side when i was done i wiped and got it on my finger after that i had nutella and i thought the poop on my hand was nutella and i licked it i said daddy chill what in the heck is this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you call a steak that tastes bad? A MISsteak
I was hunting at night for deer and then I found one and shot it, I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then “WHOA-MAN!!”
Dear Autocorrect i never wanted to spell the Word "bigger"
The twin towers ordered a sesame bagel, they got the plane one instead.
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend so I fuck her, turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about. And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her but this time it was her Identical triplet. There 3 of them.... AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
Mom asks “Who are you talking to?” The child said “A mistake.”
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.
Stephen Hawkins death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
quit making Plane jokes there just PLANE wrong
today was the worst day ever my ex got ran over by a bus, and i lost my job as a bus driver
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common
people go there to fix there mistakes
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while bieng at work was and i replied " being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers"
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
Oops, I made a mistake.
The other day i pushed a Chinese women off the golden gate bridge i was Wong on so many levels.
You learn from mistakes! That's why you're an only child!