Mind jokes
JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"
A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
Is it just me, or everybody has a dark side, like a psycho side, and then you act like crazy for some reason?
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.
Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy)
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ? A: David!
Q: If you were in a rainforest, what would be the first thing you put on? A: The radio!
What did Ronnie have at Taco Bell?
A mind-blowing bean burrito.
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.
Why do people make orphan jokes... their parents will get mad... oh wait, never mind, please continue.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?
Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.
Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind... It's too cheesy.