A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.
I raped a girl and I liked it.
I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.
It felt so wrong, it felt so right.
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
Hello, I am back with more mind-blowing facts.
1. Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you bake cookies and cook bacon?
2. If you tuck your shirt into your trousers and it is called tucking your shirt in, does that mean if your shirt is over your trousers, doesn't that mean it's called tucking your trousers into your shirt?
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pizza.
Pizza who?
Never mind, it was so cheesy.
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]
Wheelchair soccer is just IRL Rocket League. Change my mind.
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"
A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.
If you're born deaf, what language would you think in?
What type of bee can't make up his mind?
A maybe.
Is it just me, or everybody has a dark side, like a psycho side, and then you act like crazy for some reason?
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
911 help. Hello?
Never mind, forget it. You're so stupid 😡😡😡😡😏
