I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
Q: What comes before 47?
A: AK
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
I'm going to pull out your lungs faster than Joe Biden pulled troops out of Afghanistan.
What's the difference between an ISIS training center and a school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
