Military jokes
What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet pilots?
Because homing missiles don’t work on them.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
Orphans might as well join the military or a gang because they have no family.
What is the national bird of Iran?
An American drone.
Russia went from N-95 to M-16 real quick...
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
Putin be like that boat is now a submarine!
Why can't we see a camel?
Because it's camelflauged!
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.
What is the best way to run away from home?
Join the military.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
Why does the Marine Corps have the best uniforms?
Because the Navy wants their bitches to look nice.
"You cannot win a war without a war."
-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*
I joined the military for the group showers.
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in the military?
Special Forces.