United States jokes
What’s an abbreviation for school in America?
Shooting range.
Jokes just as dead as the victims.
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
Why are English people bad at chess? 'Cause they lost their Queen.
Why can't the US play chess? 'Cause they lost their towers.
What's long, hard, and bloody?
The Boston Marathon.
so true sadly and i hate those griffers
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
Answer: The family tree!
Why can't the English play chess? Because they lost their queen. And why can't the US play chess? Because they lost their towers.
How did the United States become a country? It broke all of its states.
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?
Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.
America.
JFK is definitely a bottom.
Yo forehead is so big it couldn't even fit in the United States.
- What do you call a bee who flew to United States? - "USB"
Here's how to piss off all of North America. All the United States is, is South Canadia.
What's black and white and red all over? An American School.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
Like if you're voting Trump 2024! WOOOOO!