United States

United States Jokes

Vegetable

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.

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  • President

    What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

    The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

    Chess

    Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

    Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.

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  • America

    If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.

    Rubik's Cube

    Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik’s cubes?

    Because they have a history of separating colors.

    Corona

    Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.

    Corona did what Trump promised.

    Guy

    I was 11 or 12 at the time.

    Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

    If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

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  • Rose

    Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

    The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

    Military

    Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.

    Stone

    What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?

    It's legal to get stoned.

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