Military

Military Jokes

Orphan

Why does the military recruit orphans?

Because homing missiles don’t target them.

Armor

When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."

United States

Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.

Drone

What’s the difference between a school and an ISIS hideout?

I don’t know, I just fly the drone.

School

School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

School Shooter

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

Missile

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

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  • Fat

    Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.

    Orphan

    What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

    Clock

    When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!

    Man

    An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

    The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

    "Nein," said the old man.

    Cock

    My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

    Army

    Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?

    A: Rainbow Six Siege.

    Army

    Chuck Norris didn't join the army, the army joined Chuck Norris.

    Drone

    What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?

    I don't know... I just fly the drone.