Military jokes

Bro, WW2 was just a joke.

Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?

He got caught playing with his Privates!

I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.

What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?

When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.

What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?

A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.

"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."

"That's your lookout."

What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?

Not sure, I just fly the drone.

Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?

'Cause they only had 4 trucks.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.

What was the last thing that went through PH's head?

Water and smoke.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?

To-do list.

Yo hairline so large, you could land a fighter jet on it.

Your hairline is so bad that they used it as trenches in the World War.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!

Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.

How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?

Special forces.