Military Jokes

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.

Yo hairline so large, you could land a fighter jet on it.

Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?

To-do list.

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?

Not sure, I just fly the drone.

When one just isn't enough

A close-up image of a grenade launcher with a multi-round projectile and several normal rifle bullets arranged in front of it.

When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?

'Cause they only had 4 trucks.

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."

"That's your lookout."

One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.

No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.

His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.