Military jokes
Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
Yo hairline so large, you could land a fighter jet on it.
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
To-do list.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
Memes
When one just isn't enough
What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?
Not sure, I just fly the drone.
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
What do you call 6 gay men in WW2?
Rainbow Six Siege.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Bro, WW2 was just a joke.
Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.
9/10/01
Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”
How many gears does a French tank have?
One forward and six reverse.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
Putin be like that boat is now a submarine!