Military jokes

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.

Your hairline is so bad that they used it as trenches in the World War.

Yo hairline so large, you could land a fighter jet on it.

Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?

To-do list.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?

Special forces.

Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?

Not sure, I just fly the drone.

Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?

'Cause they only had 4 trucks.

"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."

"That's your lookout."

One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.

No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.

His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.

What do you call 6 gay men in WW2?

Rainbow Six Siege.

Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

9/10/01

Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”

Bro, WW2 was just a joke.

How many gears does a French tank have?

One forward and six reverse.

My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.

He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.

What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?

Bruno Mars.