Military jokes
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?
Not sure, I just fly the drone.
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
Your hairline is so bad that they used it as trenches in the World War.
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
To-do list.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
Yo hairline so large, you could land a fighter jet on it.
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.
How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?
Special forces.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.