Military jokes
Bro, WW2 was just a joke.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?
Not sure, I just fly the drone.
What does Army stand for?
Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet.
What does Marine stand for?
Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Expected.
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
What does Marine stand for?
My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
Yo hairline so large, you could land a fighter jet on it.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
To-do list.
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.
How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?
Special forces.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.