Mile Jokes

I called my dog 5 miles.

Today, I fawn over my miles.

Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"

What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?

Hug his parents.

What’s red and goes 90 miles an hour?

Your forehead is so big I could sell advertising space by the mile on it.

A text message conversation shows the question "What's wrong?" with the answer "Whenever Sonic beats Eggman in the final level, Eggman always outruns him and gets to his giant robot before Sonic catches him, beating Sonic's average running speed of 767.269 miles per hour which is the speed of sound. This means that Dr Eggman is actually the fastest thing alive." followed by the reply "nothing". The message is shown on a white background with a phone keyboard shown at the bottom.

If I measured your forehead, it would be 100,000,000,000,000,000 miles long.

A black lady goes inside the drug store on Eight Mile Road in the city of Detroit, Michigan, and asks the pharmacist, "I would like to buy a box of tampons."

And then the black lady is asked by the pharmacist, "Do you want to buy the box of mini pads, or do you want to buy the box of maxi pads?"

And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"

And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"

And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."

Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.

One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.

Americans: Miles per hour.

Europeans: Bullets per kid...

I smell ice a mile. Titanic, I want to iceberg.

I'm holding an African themed party tomorrow. There is no food, and the drinks are 10 miles away!

Jump in the Cadillac. (Girl, let's put some miles on it.) Anything you want. (Just to put a smile on it.) You deserve it, baby, you deserve it all, And I'm gonna give it to you. Gold jewelry shining so bright, Strawberry champagne on ice, Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like. Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like.

-Tommyinnit

What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?

A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.

Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!

Congratulations to Avicii for passing his 3-day milestone of sobriety!

Why did Monaco cross the road? It smashed a 1-mile radius of the road + the chicken.

Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.

One thing that Miles Morales and Black men have in common is that they're both rip-offs.

What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 Dodge Neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer.

It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lowballs.