Medicine jokes
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.
"Cancer isn't real. It's probably special effects."
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Why can’t an orphan take medicine?
They need parental supervision.
Why did the doctor turn the orphan down?
Because he is a family doctor.
What is mad cow disease?
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
Hi, welcome to Mario's pizzeria/abortion clinic.
Where no fetus can beat us, and your loss is our sauce.
Hey there, wanna buy some chromosomes?