Medicine jokes

Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.

"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.

What was the epileptic chef’s house special?

Seizure salad.

What's harder than taking a shit?

Trying to take a shit while constipated!

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

"Cancer isn't real. It's probably special effects."

What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?

An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.

If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.

If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.

One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.

What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!

Why did the doctor turn the orphan down?

Because he is a family doctor.

Why can’t an orphan take medicine?

They need parental supervision.

Hi, welcome to Mario's pizzeria/abortion clinic.

Where no fetus can beat us, and your loss is our sauce.

What is mad cow disease?

What’s the best part of stage four cancer?

A: There’s no stage five.

Hey there, wanna buy some chromosomes?

During Covid, lockdown went on for so long that even the agoraphobics got cabin fever.