Medicine jokes
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.
"Cancer isn't real. It's probably special effects."
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.
What do you call a bloody pig?
HAMorrhage!
I wanna see Stephen Hawking on nitrous.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
Why can’t an orphan take medicine?
They need parental supervision.
Why did the doctor turn the orphan down?
Because he is a family doctor.
What is mad cow disease?
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
Hi, welcome to Mario's pizzeria/abortion clinic.
Where no fetus can beat us, and your loss is our sauce.