Medicine jokes
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
If LAUGHTER is the best medicine, BLESSEDBRIAN'S JOKES are the disease.
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
What do you call an STD?
Elenji.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweet-ment!
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
How much did the liver weigh?
It weighed a skeleTON.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Jig, Jill, Bill ate a pill.
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
Why did the skeleton die from laughter?
'Cause they broke all his "funny bones!"
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.