What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
Diarrhea.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
"Who am I? Why am I typing?"
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?
Ruberto
D NO DOCTOR START WITH A AND A+
Q: Why did the Mexican start taking anti-anxiety pills?
A: Because he was taking them for His-panic attacks.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
I hate salmonella.
It is such a pain in the butt.
Having a stroke?
Stop it!
What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.
