Medicine jokes
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?
A: See you on the flip side.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
If LAUGHTER is the best medicine, BLESSEDBRIAN'S JOKES are the disease.
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?
There's no stage 5.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!