Medicine jokes
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?
A: See you on the flip side.
The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
If LAUGHTER is the best medicine, BLESSEDBRIAN'S JOKES are the disease.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
What do you call an STD?
Elenji.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
Wow, all these jokes are humerus!
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweet-ment!