Medicine jokes
Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?
A: See you on the flip side.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
Memes
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?
There's no stage 5.
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?
What do you call an overly clingy child?
A tumor.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
How much did the liver weigh?
It weighed a skeleTON.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Wow, all these jokes are humerus!
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?