Medicine jokes

What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?

Time to go to the doctor! 🥼

Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?

A: See you on the flip side.

The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.

What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?

There's no stage 5.

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

What’s a guy with Tourette’s favorite app to use? Tiktok.

Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.

Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.

What do you call an overly clingy child?

A tumor.

Wow, all these jokes are humerus!

What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?

(Insulin)

How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste!

A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?

Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.

Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?

Because they just keep getting harder and harder!