Medicine jokes
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
Q: What's green and yellow and eats balls?
A: Gonorrhea.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics.
I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!