Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
Medicine Jokes
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics.
I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?
Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
