What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics.
I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?
Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!
Q: Why did the Mexican start taking anti-anxiety pills?
A: Because he was taking them for His-panic attacks.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
