If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
John pretended to be a doctor.
Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."
John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"
Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."
John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"
Motu said, "I lost my memory."
John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
If LAUGHTER is the best medicine, BLESSEDBRIAN'S JOKES are the disease.
If laughter is contagious, LEO is immune.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
Q: What's green and yellow and eats balls?
A: Gonorrhea.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
