Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?
Cancer.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.
Erectile dysfunction.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?
Doctor: "What's your zodiac sign?"
Patient: "Cancer?"
Doctor: "What a coincidence."
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
