Medicine jokes
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?
Cancer.