ME jokes
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.
Someone else: How was it?
Me: It's a long story.
Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Talk to me if you are online.
My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
My friend, what's up?
Me: What's up in space is planets and stars.
Huh what you say?
Come fight me, suck a dick.
Time for double joke Tuesday.
What is a bird's favorite letter?
A C gull.
So I won a round of CSGO with my team, then on VC, some kid trash talked me.
Kid: You're a dick, you know!
Me: And you're a pussy, you know?
"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
Why does everyone call me racist?
My shadow is black.
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
The coach yelled at me when I stole home. I ran home with the base and asked him where to put it.