ME jokes

People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."

Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."

I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.

Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?

Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.

How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.

When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.

Tbh they really left me hanging there.

I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.

I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!