ME jokes
I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
A man came up to me and threatened me with his milk, cheese, and butter... how dairy!
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.
We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.
Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.
Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?
My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.
Asian kid: I’m not a doctor, and I’m not good at math.
Me: That’s what I call an orphan!
A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.
For some reason, quarks sound really strange to me.
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.
My friend: How?
Justin: Justin!
",':/ wait wtf that post below me was gay."
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
A depressed kid gave me a high five. I left him hanging.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
Neona: Gwen?
Gwen: Yes... what can I do for you?
Neona: You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a liar! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!
Gwen: You should have listened. Plus I'm over it!
Neona: Are you mad at me?
Gwen: Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen.
This video got me on the ground. 😂
Https://youtu.be/7AdpKigXyyA
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
Hi, this is a good prank I did.
So, my brother LOVES his phone and so... I put it in the toilet and then flushed it, but it wouldn't go down. So, then I gave it to him and he threw it and then it broke. HAHAHAHAHAHA
(Prankster, tell me if you don't like me doing pranks because it is your thing.)
Bye guys! I hope you liked this prank! (And his phone did not really break, it just cracked really bad lol)
The coach yelled at me when I stole home. I ran home with the base and asked him where to put it.