ME jokes

Stereotype

    • I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

    My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

    So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

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    • Burglar

    • A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.

    The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"

    "Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"

    The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.

    The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."

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    • People

    • When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

    Fetus

    • What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?

    They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"

    ME memes

    Child

    • What say the child to the man? Shalom.

    Man come later give the child: "Here, what you asked for!"

    Child: "No, sir! I say Shabbat Shalom. I not ask for salmon!"

    Man: "It may be the coin in me ear, hard to hear."

    Flight

    • I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.

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    • Fire

    • Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

    That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

    Science Teacher

    • My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

    At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

    If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

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    • Guy

    • A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"

    I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."

    Guy

    • How it be when the new guy takes too long...

    Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

    Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

    Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

    Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

    Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

    Dream

    • Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."

    Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

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