ME jokes

You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.

I'm a poor Indian, please help me.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.

1273 please kill me, everyone hates me.

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

Me: Hey, are you going to Sawcon?

Sensei: What is that?

Me: Saw con deez nu...

Sensei: Oh, is it for people with ligma?

Me: What’s ligm...

Sensei: 😈

Me: no no no no

Sensei: Ligma ba...

When an African has a twin, your me??

Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.

The old cookoo master on the top of Mt. Qinshan told me this when I was eating sushi:

"The first bite tastes like heaven, the second takes you there."

😳

Hey dad, I'm hungry!

Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."

I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."

He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."

Why is 69 annoying me? Oh, it's a tease.

Rob, you forgot to pay me for letting you sucky sucky on my thang.

AKA you're for sale.

If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?