ME jokes
When the washer started running, why did you join me?
Because I had to catch it.
Your hairline jokes are so bad that they make me want to rip all my hair out.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
His neighbor asked Hodja,
"Do you have some forty-year-old vinegar?"
"I have," answered Hodja.
"Would you give me some? I need it to prepare a medication," said the man.
"No, I won't," replied Hodja. "If I had given some to everybody who asked for it, would I have it for forty years?"
Me and my friend were cranking 90s in Fortnite, then our other friend joined, started flying a plane. We died like all the people in 9/11.
me in my pics
MISSING!!
MISSING!!
Name: Ghostiano Penaldo
Missing: 27/6/2021 vs Belgium
Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty".
Last found - Practicing tap ins.
Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parma, Crotone.
Might be dangerous towards good players.
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!
What do you call me?
Chinese?
Spanish folks must love Olaf because they say his name to me all the time.
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.
My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"
So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."
Why am I naughty?
Because I want to be....
I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.
They brought it over but spilled it on me.
I said that was a udder failure!
Why do trees always gotta leave me hanging?
She'd suck my dick and let me suck her tits.
F*ck me!
The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"