ME jokes

The streets go blank in the dead of the day, not a car to be seen.

A kingdom of corona-cation, and it looks like mom's the queen.

The wind is howling with this virus in the air.

Couldn't keep it in China, everyone knows it's everywhere.

Don't let friends in, don't be afraid.

Be the good girl you always have to be.

Conceal, don't feel your insanity, that the virus caused!

Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors!

I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friend's house.

Sickness doesn't get to me anyway.

It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane, and the fears that once controlled me are here and present, oh well!

It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through!

No right, no wrong, but stay inside!

WE'RE NOT FREE!!

Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! 'Cause I have nothing better to do.

The virus flurries through the air into my house!

The storm is spiraling, fear and fractals all around!!

And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!!

What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past????

DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”

Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"

"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."

The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"

"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?

"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.

My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.

Teacher: What's your favorite animal?

Me: Desert Eagle.

Teacher: Why?

Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.

Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.

Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.

Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.

Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.

Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)

"Stupid faker, if you're trying to get me to leave the site, it won't work!"

Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

Best way to kiss someone is to lick inside their mouth with your tongue a lot of times, and they will really like it, especially me!! - lizard kiss+ french kiss= SloBbY Kiss.

Thanks for learning and getting advice.

Also, don't be such a horny one!

I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.

He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.

*I have seizures*

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

I made a website for orphans.

Silly me, I forgot the home page.