ME jokes

You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.

My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.

Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mary."

"Mary who?"

"Marry me!"

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

Why do they call it Ovaltine?

The jar is round, the mug is round, they should call it Roundtine.

Roses are red, violets are blue, give me free OnlyFans so I don't touch the youth.

Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?

Random guy: Why?

Me: Because you look like a whale.

Gwen, are you dead????? If not, I am Alya. Thanks for always standing up for me!!!!!!!!!!!

*Chatting with a stranger on the internet*

Me: Hi, how are you?

A stranger: I'm fine, hbu?

Me: I'm good. 🤷‍♂️

Yo mama so fat, a bus ran into her and she said, "WHO THREW THAT TWINKIE AT ME?!"

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time it was sung... the line “fire away” caused massive confusion and shooting!

"CoComelon meme,

No matter how fast I run, I can't escape my problems - OULEH...

Nobody loves me .v."

Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.

I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.

Wait, there aren't any road bumps.

O h s h i t.

Period: Guess who’s back... back again...

Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?

Period: I can come back in 9 months?

Me: Keep fucking singing.

The name is Ash, Johnathan Ash. My friends call me Jack.

Bo: Hey kids, I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power, so I am just going to be an orphan.

Kids changing the channel to Annie.

Annie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, only a day away.

TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go.

Dezzy: WAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t find Bo!