ME jokes
Me: What are you?
Jake: A muddeasso.
Can you see me?
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
I forgot what lightning was. Then it struck me.
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”
The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
"I see, I see." "Oh, do you see?" "I see 1st place looking at me." "Hi, don’t be shy, just say hi." She was shy, she didn’t say hi. Softball cheers.
Knock knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollinnnnnn!
Spy: Hahaha.
Me: What?
Spy: Time to pick up your mother.
Me: Oh no....
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
Me.
The joke is as short as me.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
Wanna me to show you a joke?
*Points at face* Funny, right?
This is a bad day for me.
Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?
Person B: Let me check.
Person B: It's greenglish!
I learned that a strangler was targeting me.
All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
What do you call a green camel?
My parents left me.
Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.
Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(