ME jokes

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

El, can you grab me that bow?

Why was your mom so into me?

'Cause she was the man.

symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?

symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?

angela: Because you are the thot of the group.

symple: Well it takes one to know one.

symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"

angela: FUCK OFF!

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul.

Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.

Me: They're certainly not wrong.

"Ugly kid, I feel ugly."

"Me? You don't have feel ugly, you already ugly."

Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.

Yo mama so dumb, when she looked at the light, she said, "Why is the sun so close to me?"

Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."

Jk: Jimin, why are you so small?

Jm: Excujjimi?

Jk: No offense, Jim.

Jm: Yah, call me hyung!

Jk: But I'm bigger.

Jm: I'm older!

Jk: I'm the top and you're the bottom, so I don't think it's right to call you hyung.

Jm:......

What did the egg say to the other egg?

"You crack me up!" 😂

Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.

Lucky for me I'm only 210.

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?

Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.

If I tell Stephen about these jokes, what is he gonna do? Chase after me? He better run fast!