ME jokes
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
Bully: How is your girlfriend?
Me: I don't have one!
Bully: I know!
Me: How are your parents?
*Walks out of orphanage*
"Bully," omg, that girl is so ugly.
"Me," Wait, what...ever.
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
Memes
What do you call a failure in another language?
Me.
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.
Jada Smith: Grow some balls!
Me: Grow some hair!
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.
I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.
Wanda: Ok, Timmy.
Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!
Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.
*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.
Your hairline is so far back it makes me look like Shaq O'Neal.
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...