ME jokes

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

What do math and me on P-hub have in common?

They are both hard.

Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

I’m so straight, you could call me a supplementary angle.

I'm upset, but when I saw you, you never let me down.

Me die.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Me and your hairline go way back, years and years.

Please don't make a joke about me; I'm just a human.

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?

Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!