ME jokes
Fuck me.
Wanna me to show you a joke?
*Points at face* Funny, right?
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
The coach yelled at me when I stole home. I ran home with the base and asked him where to put it.
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?
Person B: Let me check.
Person B: It's greenglish!
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.
I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”
"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Utah.
Utah who?
You're talking to me.
My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...
...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.
Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.
I called her the Fallen Angel.
Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.
Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.
I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.