ME jokes
I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.
What's the difference between me and an orphan?
At least my dad came back.
Me: What do you call an orphan?
Friend: Homeless.
One, I grow some som more, yea, I am 4. I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, that's me.
Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."
Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"
Someone: . . .
You're so ugly, that's why me and your hairline go far back.
My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.
Hello everyone, I would just like to apologize for participating in the protest and everything else I said. I was wrong and have recently found a way to see all these jokes as funny. I hope that you all can forgive me. ALYA
Me: You have pretty eyes.
Her: Thank you.
Me: I can make them roll back 😈🥴
STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:
Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?
Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.
Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.
Want to do a titcock dance with me?
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
I gave an emo kid money.
He gave me the great depression.
I say these jokes are life saving material. Who's with me?
Repeat after me...
Me: "You have a weird style."
Mom: "You have a weird style."
Me: "Um, not your mirror!" *runs away*
"Goodness, that's what Post Malone sounds like?"
"Give me some pre-Malone hip hop any day!"
"Giggety, giggety." Lois, give me your titties.
My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?
I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.
Hello guys. It's me, Donald fuckin' Trump. Ask me anything in the comments, guys.