ME jokes

Bully: Who you looking at?

Me: A Build-A-Bear.

Bully: Where?

Me: Look in the mirror.

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale said: "OOOWWWWW!!!! Get off me, you overweight bucket of lard."

Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."

Her: "No."

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

Couldn't be me being an orphan.

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

Why do orphans like tigers? I don't know, you tell me.

If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.

My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

Me: It's so sad Ironman died of ligma. You: What the heck is an Ironman? Me: Ligma balls. "snap" ^kaboom^

How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it!

Me and my emo group were walking down to the tree and somebody yelled, "Don't leave me!"

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

I think my dad loves jokes.

Because he laughs when he looks at me.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?

Tell me a joke about my hairline.

No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.