ME jokes
So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.
Who is funnier, me or Gwen?
Gwen, I thought you would be with me if Prince broke up with you... :((((((
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
My name is Devonair.
When I get a haircut, it's always bald.
Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."
My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*
I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.
My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.
Guys, add me in Discord.
Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.
My bad, I kick me bad in if balls, and he got so fucking mad.
Nobody: The crickets in the back: Talk talk talk.
Me: JOE MAMA OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Me: I have a dream.
Mom: What?
Me: For you to fucking shut up.
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, I'm just a burden.
Why do orphans come to me?
'Cause they have someone to call "father."
Is it just me, or is it normal to you when people scream?
"Prince, please talk to me!"
I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.
Prince, where are you? Please talk to me! I swear I love you!
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.