ME jokes

I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!

Can you see me?

Wanna me to show you a joke?

*Points at face* Funny, right?

Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?

Person B: Let me check.

Person B: It's greenglish!

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”

The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”

"I see, I see." "Oh, do you see?" "I see 1st place looking at me." "Hi, don’t be shy, just say hi." She was shy, she didn’t say hi. Softball cheers.

I forgot what lightning was. Then it struck me.

I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.

A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.

symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?

symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?

angela: Because you are the thot of the group.

symple: Well it takes one to know one.

symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"

angela: FUCK OFF!

El, can you grab me that bow?

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?

What is the difference between me and food?

Food has a use.

I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”

What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!

Sorry, cringy joke.

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.