ME jokes

What do orphans play on Roblox?

Adopt Me.

What is the difference between me and food?

Food has a use.

What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!

Sorry, cringy joke.

If 9/11 happened again, I want to share a selfie of me flying that plane.

My guy: I have a Q-Tip.

Me: You can Q my tip.

My guy: Ayo!

I was doing some karate the other day at the studio.

They kicked me out because I was doing “kungi fui.”

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.

But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

Some guy: making a sandwich.

Me: *rages* to put the ham in!

I wish you were a soap, because I want you all over me.

Please don't make a joke about me; I'm just a human.

Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?

I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”

Me: Which WiFi are we on?

Coworker: Should be floor 89.

Me: What about flight 104?

Coworker: Oh crap!

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

I thought of you today, and it reminded me to take out the trash.

I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.