ME jokes
Are you a builder? Because you are giving me an erection.
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
My science teacher was talking about natural selection.
At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.
If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."
I thought of you today, and it reminded me to take out the trash.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
Memes
What did the rapper say to the fridge?
"Give me a BEET!"
What do math and me on P-hub have in common?
They are both hard.
Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?
I’m so straight, you could call me a supplementary angle.
What is the difference between me and food?
Food has a use.
I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”
What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!
Sorry, cringy joke.
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.
I'm dyslexic. My sister was reading, "What's the book?" I asked. She showed me the cover. "You reading 'The Scared Bull'?" I asked. She started laughing. "No, 'The Sacred Bull'!"
Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
If 9/11 happened again, I want to share a selfie of me flying that plane.
My guy: I have a Q-Tip.
Me: You can Q my tip.
My guy: Ayo!
I was doing some karate the other day at the studio.
They kicked me out because I was doing “kungi fui.”