ME jokes

You're so ugly, that's why me and your hairline go far back.

I was going to join the debating team.

... but someone talked me out of it.

Your hairline is so far back it makes me look like Shaq O'Neal.

"I miss you.

Being happy was never that hard without you..."

Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

Why do orphans like tigers? I don't know, you tell me.

My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

The man says, "Can you hump me?" So the other boy says, "Bro bro bro bro bro."

Somebody asks me: How many YT subs you got?

Me: More than you!

Tell rumors about me, but please don't say I'm in a love relationship.

What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.

First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”

Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”

Everyone: "Look, it's Superman!"

Me: "No, it's an emo."

Everyone: "Oh."

We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.

I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?

Orphan: I don't know what you mean.

Me: There is no one to give a present.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?