ME jokes

How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it!

Me and my emo group were walking down to the tree and somebody yelled, "Don't leave me!"

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

I think my dad loves jokes.

Because he laughs when he looks at me.

Bully: Who you looking at?

Me: A Build-A-Bear.

Bully: Where?

Me: Look in the mirror.

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale said: "OOOWWWWW!!!! Get off me, you overweight bucket of lard."

Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."

Her: "No."

They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.

Weirdo: I'm too high to die!

Me: You'll just fall harder.

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!

It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!

"I miss you.

Being happy was never that hard without you..."

Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...

Couldn't be me being an orphan.

Tell me a joke about my hairline.

No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.

Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?

Orphan: I don't know what you mean.

Me: There is no one to give a present.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.

Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.

Shaenaya hates me, help! And she wants to suck off ******* and ****** and ***** and *****.