ME jokes

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

What do math and me on P-hub have in common?

They are both hard.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

What did the rapper say to the fridge?

"Give me a BEET!"

I thought of you today, and it reminded me to take out the trash.

I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

A king ordered to execute a gay man.

The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."

Silly joke! Where’s my natcho? You have it :excuse me it’s nacho cheese 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why the fuck is this guy calling me a crying bitch?

Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!

My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?

Me: (¬‿¬)

Me die.

You can't see me, but when I smile, you can.

Me and your hairline go way back, years and years.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

I'm dyslexic. My sister was reading, "What's the book?" I asked. She showed me the cover. "You reading 'The Scared Bull'?" I asked. She started laughing. "No, 'The Sacred Bull'!"

If 9/11 happened again, I want to share a selfie of me flying that plane.

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.

But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.