ME jokes

If you don't have big Nyash,

Lower your voice while talking to me, you Mau Mau warrior. 😂😂😂

Holy cow!

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

Why the fuck is this guy calling me a crying bitch?

I'm upset, but when I saw you, you never let me down.

Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!

My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?

Me: (¬‿¬)

Me die.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

Hey guys! Just a reminder that the guy below me is a crying bitch! Have a good day!

See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.

You can't see me, but when I smile, you can.

I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

A king ordered to execute a gay man.

The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."

Silly joke! Where’s my natcho? You have it :excuse me it’s nacho cheese 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

Your hairline is so big, it distracts me from your face.

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.