ME jokes
What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!
Sorry, cringy joke.
Please don't make a joke about me; I'm just a human.
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
Why is America bad at Clash of Clans?
Because they already lost two towers.
What do me and an emo kid have in common:
We both like to hang.
Happens a lot to me😐
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.
What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?
"That rotten asshole split on me again!"
Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?
Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.
I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.
Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My guy: I have a Q-Tip.
Me: You can Q my tip.
My guy: Ayo!
I was doing some karate the other day at the studio.
They kicked me out because I was doing “kungi fui.”
Some guy: making a sandwich.
Me: *rages* to put the ham in!
Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?
I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”
Me: Which WiFi are we on?
Coworker: Should be floor 89.
Me: What about flight 104?
Coworker: Oh crap!