ME jokes

Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.

Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.

Wanda: Ok, Timmy.

Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!

Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.

*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*

When you see your mom.

Me: bruh

Her: Are you serious right now bro?

Me: Yeah no shit.

Her: *slaps me*

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

Why do orphans like tigers? I don't know, you tell me.

If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.

My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

Me: It's so sad Ironman died of ligma. You: What the heck is an Ironman? Me: Ligma balls. "snap" ^kaboom^

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.

What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?

Your hairline is so far back it makes me look like Shaq O'Neal.