ME jokes
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?
"Would you stop bugging me!"
Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.
My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty, what happened to you?
How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.
FEW!!!!!!!
Asdf movie: meow meow I’m a cow.
Me to my villagers in Minecraft: chick chick my guns cocked so frick.
I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.
Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.
Hey, join me. I be near the tree. Bring things to.
Me, (AHAHAHA IM A JOKE AHAH Criii) Anyone wanna date? Lol.
Oh, sweetheart, you brighten me.
Who thinks Gwen and dumb bitch prince should *STOP* dating! AND LET THE REAL LOVERS *Gwen and Aiden* RESUME TO *LOVE* SAY ME IN THE COMMENTS SO NOT!!!!!!!!
Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?
Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.
My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"
I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.