ME jokes

My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

This video got me on the ground. 😂

Https://youtu.be/7AdpKigXyyA

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

My friend: Wanna hear a joke?

Me: No.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because you are a joke.

Friend: Your life is too...

Me: :)

Friends :)

Why you gay, bruh? I know why I'm gay. I got the wolf pack protectors spirit in me, YA BOIIIII!

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

Once I said to an orphan, "What the 'F' means in 'orphan'?"

He replied, "There's no 'F'."

Me: "There's no family."

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.

What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?

"Would you stop bugging me!"

My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.

When the washer started running, why did you join me?

Because I had to catch it.

*World War 2 going on and then stops.*

Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."

I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.

Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.

Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!

Best chick ever.

Call me at 6969696969.

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

I've done a skele-TON of work to think of this joke. Trust me, I've got a FEW more jokes!

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

To you, Iron Man may seem cool or awesome, but to me, he is pretty ironic.