ME jokes

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.

A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:

"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

One day, I was just chillin', being a tower. I saw a plane, but it was slowly growing.

Then it hit me.

What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?

My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.

Are you a gravestone?

Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!

Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.

Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"

What did the mic say to the rapper?

"Don’t DROP me, bro!"

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You look like Shrek, And you make me peck.

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

My friend jokingly confessed to me she did prostitution (consensual).

She wasn't joking. :0

We are 15....