ME jokes
I became anti-furry because I don't want Doom Slayer after me.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You look like Shrek, And you make me peck.
My friend jokingly confessed to me she did prostitution (consensual).
She wasn't joking. :0
We are 15....
Boss: Have a good day.
Me: *goes home*
I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.
I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."
Everyone at the Queen's funeral:
Me and the boys getting her reboot card.
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"
Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"
Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.
Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.
Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.
Follow me.
I heard a noise, so I'm dead.
Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.
My brother: What are you looking at?
Me: A mistake.
Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."
The kid: But it has no home button.
Me: Exactly. 💀
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex!
Dad: We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.
How dairy!
That shit was trash. You can't handle me.
Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?