ME jokes

Who thinks Gwen and dumb bitch prince should *STOP* dating! AND LET THE REAL LOVERS *Gwen and Aiden* RESUME TO *LOVE* SAY ME IN THE COMMENTS SO NOT!!!!!!!!

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*

All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?

People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!

People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)

My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.

Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!

I've done a skele-TON of work to think of this joke. Trust me, I've got a FEW more jokes!

To you, Iron Man may seem cool or awesome, but to me, he is pretty ironic.

This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?

Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!

When the washer started running, why did you join me?

Because I had to catch it.

Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?

What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?

*World War 2 going on and then stops.*

Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."

I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.

Best chick ever.

Call me at 6969696969.

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

Me and my life.

My friend thinks he is funny.

He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.