ME jokes

Attention, everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future, but for now: Goodbye.

Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.

I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.

My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.

Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?

Me: Because they can't get a homerun.

They call me Juan, they call me Jose, but I'm Juan person.

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."

The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.

1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?

2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.

3. My foot lasts longer than your life.

What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

A B C D E F G.

Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

My bf: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

My bf: Ice cream.

Me: Ice cream who?

My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!

If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

Guys, add me as a friend in Roblox. I'm hawaiilover973 :D

Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.

My dad left me, lol.

Hey Qwen, it's me.