ME jokes
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"
Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.
Me: Okay, so an Asian...
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?
2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.
3. My foot lasts longer than your life.
My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
What did the toaster say to the piece of bread? "I want you inside me."
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.
Me: So you're gonna leave me again?
Talk to me if you're online.
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
Worst joke ever: me and my user.
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
Roses are red, violets are blue, You make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz.
It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-