ME jokes

Asian kid: I’m not a doctor, and I’m not good at math.

Me: That’s what I call an orphan!

Is your mom a virgin?

Mine is.

How am I alive?

You tell me.

The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry in front of me, or else I'll cry!"

Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.

My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.

To Gwen and Freshfry: Hi Gwen and Freshfry, you have been so amazing to me and now to my sister. You are the people who I look up to. People are mean to us because I am adopted. Thank you for all of your support!

My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.

I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"

Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?

Me: Because they can't get a homerun.

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.

The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."

1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?

2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.

3. My foot lasts longer than your life.

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?

I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.

Let me know if you can't cum.

Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?

Wife: You have good eyesight.