ME jokes
herishy, my little sissy dont report me.
My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Katsuki Bakugou went into a bar and said: "Where is that damn nerd?!?". Everyone was confused.
Bakugou says: "Tell me where Deku is or I'll kill you!" He kills them all because they all have green hair.
I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.
I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!
What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”
Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?
Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?
2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.
3. My foot lasts longer than your life.
If you don't have big Nyash,
Lower your voice while talking to me, you Mau Mau warrior. 😂😂😂
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, I'm just a burden.
"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.
Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
What did the fat guy say to the skinny guy?
Fat guy: Does this look fat on me?
Skinny guy: No, I don’t think it’s that.
Fat guy: Thinking.
Everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: "Happy birthday to you..., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear
Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!"
One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.
So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.
OMG, you will give me Discord Nitro and Robux?? Sike, I lied!
I gave an emo kid money.
He gave me the great depression.
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"
Me: "Nun."